Mom's Day

On this, my first Mother's Day as an honoree, I feel more worn out than celebrated. After two and a half weeks of getting relatively "good" sleep at night, Emme woke me up every hour last night, nursed for 5 minutes and then fell back asleep. Even stripping her down to her diaper, turning up the ceiliing fan and watching the George Lopez show especially loud (hey, it's all that's on at 3am) wouldn't rouse her. So I would set her down, and by this time the dogs were awake and wanting to go outside. So I would let those two sillies out in the backyard, drink a glass of water and head back up to bed. By this time, I had to pee. So, I would do that and brush my teeth, or hair, or put on more deodorant, or do something else productive since I was in the bathroom anyway. Then, I would lie down, only to be awakened 20 minutes later by my very loud screaming baby. She would frantically search for her food source (trying to be discreet here), crying her little heart until I could calm her enough to find what she was looking for. A few George Lopez punchlines and commercials later, she was passed out again. By about 5am, I had given up sleeping. Even my new friends, the Lopez's, were off for the night. Now it was time for the infomercials on losing weight (which of course, is on my mind lately) and dandy kitchen gadgets. I was very tired, and very cranky. How could I get her on a schedule that worked for both of us??

But then something happened this morning. I managed to doze off around 7am, and was awaken at 9am by blood-curdling screams (you would think she was a two-year-old, not a two-week-old). I rushed her downstairs to warm a bottle (one of my new attempts -- bottles during the day, and nursing at night to differentiate between the two time frames) and tried to talk to my roommate for a few moments before she headed off to work. I was holding Emme in one arm, warming the bottle in the other, trying not to trip over sleeping cats and dogs sprawled across the kitchen floor, and shouting small talk to my roommate. I looked awful, and frantic. I looked like a first-time Mommy.

And when we finally got her bottle going smoothly, I looked down at my red-faced daughter and her eyes were focused on my face. I don't even know how much she can actually see yet (behind on my developmental reading), but it looked like she was looking me right in the eyes, saying "thank you" with her hungry stare. That one tiny look made me realize that I truly am officially a Mom. Not a cute pregnant girl with glowing skin, and a chestful of hopes and dreams. Not a matyr who just went through labor and needs flowers, gifts, cards and meals to recover. But a messy, smelly, tired Mom who is still learning the most efficient, and best, way to take care of my child. And that made me proud, and thankful that I have been given this time off work to get to know my baby and lose some sleep.

Next Mother's Day she will likely be walking, and maybe even talking a little bit. We will be done nursing, and she will be even doing some things for herself. And while I will be proud of those accomplishments, I don't want to take the time I have now for granted. This is the first, and could be last, time that I will have a newborn and be a first-time Mom.

I've since had a shower, and put on actual clothes (not pajama pants), and am feeling much better. She is napping peacefully -- without a care in the world.

Happy Mother's Day -- if you are one, I have new respect for you! If your own Mom is around, squeeze her extra tight for those late-nights that she sat up with you, watching Nick at Nite, or late-night talk shows. She deserves it.

#25 -- Clarity

Yes, there will be times of confusion. And it would be unfair for me not to warn you that your heart will be broken on occasion, despite your best efforts in love and friendship.

But just getting to know you over the past two weeks, I see that you are intelligent, and self-assured. Even at only 6 pounds, you insist on holding your head up, and grasping your pacifier with two hands so no one takes it from you. You are a (little) woman who knows what she wants and doesn't mind working a little bit to get it. It's like you are the only one who doesn't know that you are small (or the rest of us are wrong, and you are as big as you think)...

Because of this observation, I know that you are blessed with mental clarity. That even when the winds of change make you feel unstable, and question marks dot your path, you will have peace of mind and confidence in yourself.

On nights when your homework seems like it will take more than the hours in the night -- you will think of a creative way to finish and manage a little bit of sleep. When your bills pile high on your apartment counter, you will rearrange some of your finances and somehow squeek by.

The stresses of life will weigh you down from time to time, but you already have the means to envision your own serenity built inside of you. You really are bigger than your body gives you credit for....

#26 -- Dusk

Written by Grandma Sally

The most beautiful moment of the day is right at dusk...especially on a warm summer night. It's as if the whole world takes a deep sigh as the sun disappears from our sight. This is my favorite time of the day. Another day is done...be it good or bad, and there is the hope of a sweet sleep and another day to live. Strive to live each day blessing those around you...be they friend, foe or unknown. As we give out good, we must trust that good will return to us when we are in need.

#27 -- Simple joys, and a few other things too!

Written by your great-aunt Jenny, who sends her love from across the country!

If I could relay any secrets to life or happiness to my grand-niece & my own grandson I would say, keep a special part of you a child until the end of your time here on earth. Growing up will happen, at times you will long to grow up faster, BUT never forget those special things that bring joy and happiness to your inner being. Happiness is self-made. Other people will never be able to make you happy, you alone hold that power. They also CANNOT take your happiness away unless YOU allow it.

The areas that I still have that I've never grown up in are simply pleasures. Sitting quietly around any body of water , listening to the sounds of the birds, frogs, crickets, wind, water etc brings a peace to my soul that nothing else does. Walking along Lake Michigan, seeing the Light House and looking for "indian beads" and other fossils can fill hours of time for me. Coloring books and crayons! Simple, but soothing! May you discover endless worlds of imaginative fun with a large cardboard box, a stick and a old pot! I hope you have the joys of watching the seasons change. See the leaves change, die and fall, watch the first snow hide all the ugliness in an blanket of white beauty, see the first snow crocuses and daffodils poke their little heads out the muck of winter, and soothe the summer heat in large body of water that doesn't show a shore for miles when you look over it. May you marvel at the beauty and power of a thunder and lightning storm as it rolls up over the horizon. May a hummingbird fly up at just the right moment to remind you that God is still there and hears all your prayers and sees all your tears. Because life will bring you tears and sorrow as well joy and happiness. If you have those special places locked into your heart and soul, you can always go back to them, even if it's just in your mind.

If you need help later in life finding that child that didn't grow up, your Grandma Sally has acquired that special gift. I too have had it grow inside, mainly because your Grandma was there to help on my many journeys to distant and fun places growing up. She helped develope my imagination with skits, plays and make believe, all to entertain your great- grandma and grandpa. Love your family no matter what happens. They will always be there for you even when you think they aren't.

And finally, I pray that you find a partner/mate in life who falls in love with the child in you as well as the adult you will grow into. One who will bring home a new color book and a box of crayons when they notice you going into a slump. One who will sit through a chick flick because they know you need an excuse to have a good cry to cleanse your soul. One who suddenly says, put on your shoes and takes you for ice cream just because! One who lets you wander around and pick up rocks, seashells and doesn't care if your not fishing too. Someone who loves and respect the real you, no matter who you have become.

People will forget what said, People will forget what you did,BUT people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

#28 -- Your Mom

Written by Veronica Boley, my best friend and college roommate (and style star)...

Your mother has asked me to write something for your collection of "50 Things You'll Love About Life". And I decided what better to write about than your mother! I thought I'd invite you down memory lane…to a time when your mom was a little more carefree, a little more wild and just beginning her adulthood discovery of who she was. So Emilia, if you will, let's take a stroll back to the early 2000's and back to Ball State University in Muncie Indiana…

I met your mom freshman year when we became Alpha Phi sorority sisters, but we didn't really become close friends until sophomore year. One of my earliest memories of her took place at a sorority recruitment event. Your mom was asked to sing a solo during one of our songs. To this day, I don't remember much about that event, or even the song. I just remember your mom gracefully singing her solo in front of a hundred people!

Once our friendship was developed, she and I and our group of friends were pretty much together 24/7...we all had lunch together, went shopping, went to parties, went to sorority dances…we had a lot of fun! We also had a lot of sleepovers sophomore year because your mom lived in a haunted house…seriously! She didn't like being in her home alone, so there were many nights when she came over to the 212 house and we'd watch movies until we fell asleep!
The summer after sophomore year your mom got a job at a hotel working behind the check-in desk…during the grave yard shift! She'd come over during the day before work and we'd drink Vanilla Coke and gossip and plan out how we were going to decorate our apartment for the following year. I never understood how she was able to stay awake all night, but she did it for an entire summer!

Junior year we shared an apartment with our friend Lori on Dill Street. What a year! We were a block away from the most popular bar on campus, which lead to some super fun nights! But what I mostly remember was walking next door to the VP gas station on early mornings with your mom to pick up snacks, juice and lottery tickets (which your mom always seemed to win). We usually went in flip flops, shorts and a sweatshirt. Our hair was piled on top of our heads and our makeup was, well…messy! But those are some of my favorite memories! There were also fun morning surprises when I would wake up to a homemade egg burrito with salsa, curiosity of your Susie-Homemaker mom! She was such a good roommate! I enjoyed having my two best friends just a bedroom away. There was always a shopping partner, a lunch date to Red Sun, or a Sex And The City marathon co-watcher!

Junior year was also my favorite Spring Break of all time! We headed south to Key West. I won't go into much detail except to say that one afternoon your mom and I snuck away to have a grown up lunch on the patio at a beautiful expensive restaurant. I still remember having the mahi-mahi with mango salsa and laughing and relaxing with your mom. I don't remember what we talked about, but I do remember that neither of us wanted to leave that place. We did of course, but your mom, as you know, followed her dream and eventually went back to live in the beautiful sunshine state!

Senior year, your mom worked at Roly Poly…a tasty sandwich store. I remember I always used to go in to visit your mom between classes. There's nothing too exciting about this observation…it's just that to this day, every time I see a Roly Poly, I think of your mom and smile! And that's the thing about your mom…she tends to leave that great impression on everyone! When she moved to Shelbyville, a very small town in Indiana, she made a hundred friends over night! She even starred in the town's community play (which I traveled to see, pregnant belly and all…and yes, she was amazing and beautiful and star quality!)

And when she decided to leave Shelbyville for Orlando, her friends and co-workers threw her a going away party, to which the mayor even attended!Now the mother you know is probably quite different from the Katie that I used to be BFF's with. By now she's been able to figure out what she wants out of her life and her priorities have drastically changed…you, of course are her number one! But I can't help but think that all of my memories (however meaningless some may seem) have helped to mold your mother into the wonderful, head-strong woman that she is today! I'm sure she tells you to always follow your dreams, believe in yourself and never give up. Maybe by now you've heard those things so many times that they've just become familiar words. But believe me when I tell you that if anyone has the right to tell you those things, it's her…and not just because she's your mother, but because she's speaking to you from experience. She's lived by those words and hopefully always continues to do so!

Emilia, you have your whole life at your feet, and I hope that with your mom behind you, you'll always feel ready to take those first steps! Happy walking!

The List is Back!!!

Readers -- Even though Emilia came early, I have decided to finish my list of things that she will love. I've had some help from friends... send me yours, and I'll write more based on what I now know about my little girl...

Another Year Older

Today I am 26. No longer "early 20s" -- but actually "pushing 30," right?? Considering the events of the past month, it seems like I am more of an adult than ever before. A real job, life in an actual house after years of apartments, and a real-life breathing daughter on my lap. Last year on my birthday I was drinking frozen concoctions and accidentally getting really drunk at a local horse show... It was fun (I think)... This year I'm wearing Eeyore pajama pants and mastering the art of typing with one hand while holding a tiny baby hand with the other. And while I'm not ready to hang up my sequin tube tops and tie on my apron strings, pushing a stroller around the neighborhood sounds like more fun than a romantic stroll on the beach. Singing along to the Country Hits channel on cable while doing a "diaper changing" dance takes precedence over rocking out in a karaoke bar, and counting to ten in three different languages is the deepest conversation I've had today.

Still -- I managed to pull off a fancy 3- hour dinner at a fondue restaurant last night with a few sips of wine. Had to make a quick trip to the restroom for some creative nursing, but enjoyed the company and food nonetheless. My little girl was there beside me the whole time, napping and making squeeky noises here and there to remind us all that she was still there. And I realized that I may be getting older, and taking on more responsibility than ever, but I am the best version of myself ever. I have great friends, motivation in life, wonderful family, a home I love, a dog I adore and the baby girl that I've always dreamed of.

So no shots of tequila like my 21st birthday, or wild Cubs games like my 24th -- but a snuggle bug to hold and a whole host of blessings to count.

So Happy Birthday to me. It's the best one so far...