#37 -- Silly Crushes

This is not to be confused with serious relationships, or boyfriends, or even people that you actually know. Those are all topics we can discuss on their own later (much later young lady)...

What I'm talking about here are the shallow, yet fun, crushes that we as woman develop for handsome, unattainable men. Occasionally there is a woman in the bunch who takes these feelings too far and winds up on the wrong side of a celebrity's fence, being tazered and chewed up by German Shepards, only to spend the next 6 months in a psychiatric ward. This is not a crush. This behaviour describes craziness.

But what is completely sane is watching a particular TV show just to see "him" or asking your Mom for tickets to his concert 2 years before he is even coming to town. Also normal -- thumbing through celebrity magazines just to see him surfing in Maui -- and then spending 15 minutes listing all the reasons you would be a better girlfriend than that twig of a woman with him on the beach. You don't care if he smokes, or drinks, or hates kittens -- you like him simply because he is cute.

I remember your Grandma Sally having a crush on Mel Gibson, right about the time the Lethal Weapon movies came out (you are probably scratching your head and saying "who?" right now). She even had a picture of him from a magazine, and I thought for sure that Grandpa Bruce was going to be SO mad. Instead, he just laughed and even teased her about it. The truth was that he wasn't threatened by a flat, glossy magazine page with big teeth -- and if it's presence made Grandma giddy, then he was all for it.

My own crushes come with a word of warning -- occasionally, there are times when you will come face to face with these men. The assumption is, of course, that these hotties will remain in pop culture lore and not walk into your normal life, but sometimes the stars align and put these guys in your path. Two times I have had the chance to show how awesome I was to a certain baseball player with whom I was obsessed. Both times my mouth went dry and I froze -- not even able to shake his hand. He just laughed and walked away. After about 10 minutes, I said "hi" but I don't think he heard me.

Just yesterday I met another athlete who I had told a colleague I thought was "cute." The same colleague thought it would be funny to bring this guy by my desk at 8:30am on a Monday morning -- before my computer was even turned on -- and introduce me. I think I said "hi" or "nice to meet you" or something -- but my Bambi-in-headlights look is probably what made this buff and ridiculously cute man laugh at me (are you seeing a trend here?).

The point here is that fantasy crushes are only fun when they are just that -- fantasy. Any attempt to cross the borders of reality will just ruin the whole concept for you (or make you look like a complete idiot).

So if you think that mop-headed boy behind the guitar is handsome, put his poster up on your wall. If you like the way that tow-headed and tan boy runs down the beach, watch his TV program religiously. It's ok to look, giggle and develop a sense of what you find attractive. Just try not to tell your male colleagues -- and practice what you will say if you should ever meet.