#44 -- BFFs and other gal pals

I have my fingers crossed that you will be a leader -- someone strongwilled who follows her own goals and dreams. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have some people around you who you strive to be more like, and who you share experiences with.

I wish you the kind of best friends and girlfriends that I have found. Whether I was doing fake beauty pageants with neighborhood girls on my front porch at the age of 8, driving around town in my first car, listening to music with my high school kindred spirit, or reading an email on some of the humorous situations that arise in motherhood (from my college BF, who has a 16 month-old) --- I have been lucky to have people to laugh with, complain to, giggle about dumb DUMB things with and who support me through all my decisions.

Family is great. Boyfriends can be incredible sources of strength as well. But the bonds you form with the females around you inspire confidence, self-esteem, goofy inside jokes, sensitivity and a feeling of belonging to a group bigger than yourself.

It’s lovely being a girl. Find others to enjoy that journey with.

#45 -- Unmet Expectations

At first glance, this seems to be a topic that would be something that would discourage you in life -- not something that you will love. But perhaps my title is misleading...

You will build your expectations about life, people and even yourself based on what has happened to you in the past, what has happened to other people, and what personal experience has taught you to that point. And for the most part, what you are predicting on a day-to-day basis will go exactly as planned, without deviation.

Which is what will make those unexpected plot twists so exciting. When a situation you believe will be bumpy goes surprisingly smoothly, the relief will be greater than you anticipated. When your career takes a path you had not planned, but leads you to greater opportunity than if you had just gone along the well- beaten trail, you will be enlightened. And even when unexpected tragedy, or loss, or problems in a friendship or relationship pop up without warning, you will learn the depth of your caring heart and appreciate the people around you with new insight.

I was not expecting you at this point in my life. Never in my childhood dreams or adulthood goals did I see myself in this situation, at this crossroads. But it is with unmatched anticipation and joy that I await you today -- knowing not to place too much emphasis on my expectations. From day one, you have been an inspiration to me and even though I don't know what you will look like on your birthday or in 20 years, your face is already imprinted in my heart.


I expect great things from you. Determine what those things will be and chase them down -- but remember to embrace the unexpected.

#46 -- Words

Whether you speak them, sing them or write them -- words will make up your world. You may chose your words carefully, or just let them fly -- or hopefully learn the best times to use a little of both styles. Regardless, the power of your words will be immeasurable. Use them. Use them wisely.

You will hear or read other people's words and say, "I wish I could speak/write like that." And people will remember conversations with you where your words impressed, hurt or changed them.

The truth is that actions won't always speak louder than words. Sometimes there will be nothing that you can do to help a situation, but chose a few inspiring words. Other times, you will be at a loss for words, and these are times to just let them go -- because maybe nothing that you could say will help.

And from your first word (hopefully "mama"??) to whatever will be your last, what you have to say will be important. Find the strength in the mundane conversations of everyday life, and write your voice fearlessly.

#47 -- Animals

Will you be a dog person, or a cat person? Or maybe a lizard (ew) or bird person?

If you are anything like your Mom, "big" cousin Katelynn, you are going to have a love and compassion for the animals placed in your care.

Sometimes you will want company, but will be too tired to entertain another "human." That will be the time you will want someone to just be there, and love you for whatever mood you are in, or where you are are in your life.

I wish you many long years with pets that you love, and a sympathetic voice for those who can not speak for themselves.

A Good Man...

There's a lot of information out there about what constitutes a good man... Just turn on your TV and there is an array of models to chose from...

The "McDreamy" career man who gets his feelings hurt when you don't include him in all of your emotional meltdowns (he just wants to be part of your life, hear about all your insecurities and give you a sad, puppy dog gaze in the process)

The dumber-than-a-box-of-rocks shop class teacher, turned Spanish teacher, when there was no one else to take the job, who defends you when the former homecoming queen talks about how desperate you are (courtesy of my new fav show -- Miss Guided)

And the perennial classic....

"Mr. Big," who really doesn't want to hear about your emotional issues, but will track you down in Paris just to tell you how much he loves you and wants to make it work somehow, some way (set to make an appearance in May's film version of the story).

But has anyone ever really met these men? I mean, really and truly seen them face to face? Or are they just a figment of pop culture's imagination?

I think that many of us waste too much time looking for these guys who don't exist, and can easily miss the normal, decent ones who use regular ways to show us that they care...

Last night proves my point... I'm huge, no matter what anyone tries to tell me, there is an extra 25 pounds of stomach pulling me forward with every step that makes it nearly impossible to pick things up off the floor and completely impossible to tie my shoes... I'm huge...

The point here is that me and my colossal belly were trying desperately to box up what is left at my old apartment, carry said boxes down metal stairs outside, load the boxes into my car and then clean the empty apartment (using what? I'm not allowed to be around most cleaning products). Just as frustration was setting in, my knight in shining armor appeared. Not on a white horse, or a shiny Harley, but in his Honda Civic -- wearing flip flops and old basketball shorts. Before long, he was weilding a bottle of bleach spray, tossing items into the wastebasket and vowing to return the next day to attack the dust mites that have collected on top of the refrigerator over the past year. Aaaahhh....my hero!

And the truth is, I'm sure that anyone would have helped me if I had asked...but he came without being asked. Just because he is a good guy.

And I realized that this was just one example of the many ways he has used action, instead of empty words, to be the man (and above all, friend) that I needed. Getting my family theme park tickets and acting like it was no big deal, when I know he had to pull some strings.... Giving me a card on my first day of work, telling me that I was going to be great... Taking me out to dinner when I told him the earthshaking news that I was having a baby, and she wasn't his... Walking away from the relationship, even though he might not want to, because he knows that my focus right now has to be on my daughter and my health....

So he might not follow me to Europe, but I guarantee he would drive me to the hospital if my water broke. And he might not waste words defending me to my high school's homecoming queen, but I know he stands up for me when most people in his shoes would say some pretty awful things instead.

So the timing isn't right for me to have my very own McDreamy, but I know I am truly blessed to have someone who cares about me as a person enough to carry my heavy boxes, and find other subtle ways to be a friend and good man.

#48 -- Early Mornings

So I suppose you might be the type of person who avoids mornings at all costs, and would rather sleep until the sun is shining so brightly that you know it must at least be noon. But even if that’s you, there will be at least a few times in your life when you are up before the sun -- making a cup of coffee, watching the morning news, reading your mail or walking your dog. And even if your head is pounding, and you are struggling to pry your eyelids open, take a moment to enjoy the unique stillness that only comes first thing in the morning. Take a minute to check in with yourself and your feelings before the onslaught of the day’s activities. Those moments might the only ones you have to yourself for the next 24 hours, and you are important.

So whether you are up early everyday, or just once in awhile, enjoy the crispness of the early day and focus your thoughts on yourself -- if only for a fleeting moment.

#49 -- Work

People say that work is the worse part of life here on earth, and that "everybody's working for the weekend," but if you can focus in on where you are the most talented and make the most difference, you will love to work.

Just like everything in life, there will be ups and downs in your job. Somedays you will just want to quit it all, pack an overnight bag and run away to a remote island in the Pacific (don't forget your cell phone, or whatever people are using by then, so your mother won't worry). But other days, you will be able to bless your co-worker with a kind word when everything around her is going south... Or have your boss tell you that you have done a "great job" on a project that has had you pulling your hair out for weeks.... Or one of your ideas ends up changing your work environment, community or family for the better. Those are the days you will feel validated, empowered and ready for the next big thing.

And if you find yourself in a situation where your job is not fufilling, but it is necessary, enjoy the people around you. If you work with customers, find out what is going on in their lives, and befriend them. If you are alone behind a desk all day, meet colleagues for lunch or a mid-day walk, and ask them about their lives. Believe me, when the time comes that you need loving people to surround you, your work family can fill that role.

And no matter what your job, career or goals are in life, know that I support you. I believe in you! You are going to make a fantastic singer, actress, engineer, architect, surgeon, waitress, store clerk, writer, stay-at-home-mom, teacher, firefighter or city councilwoman (or all the above) someday.