Insomniac Baby

My baby is an insomniac (hence the title). Due to this fact, I am a bit loopy right now (hence the redundance of the title and first sentence).

It's not that she doesn't sleep exactly. It's that she fights and fights falling asleep in the first place. If I can rock, sing, read, feed, burp and coax her into drifting off, she stays that way for a few hours. But as the weeks go on, she is getting smarter and more savvy about the "time-to-go-to-sleep" tricks that Mommy has up her sleeve. Just as her eyelids are about to slam shut, they flutter open again and focus on the ceiling fan. Sigh. Time to try again...

And even though her non-sleeping is wearing me out royally, it occured to me tonight that I don't blame her for wanting to stay awake. Look at how much changes every time she gives in to a nap?

About 2 months ago she was sleeping peacefully, warmly wrapped in the womb. The next thing she knew, she was blinded by bright lights, being pushed and prodded by dozens of strangers and expected to be adorable and baby-like for the entire world. On "errand day" last week, she woke up at 9 different places. No joke. Once in her pack n play, twice in the car, once at a government office, once at Target, once at Kohl's, once at Starbucks, once at a friend's house, once at the bank and once at the library. For a person who was content living an entire exsistence in solitude in a warm goo, errand day is a bit ridiculous. Everything changes so fast that she doesn't want to miss any of it to sleep.

And tonight as I gazed down at her 10-pound body, fighting off sleep with every inch and ounce, I realized that I should be thankful for my own lack of sleep. Every day her faces changes a little more, and her arms and legs get longer. In the mornings, her cries for food have been replaced with smiles and gurgles (and then cries when I take too long with the bottle) and her afternoon fussiness is slowly being filled with enjoying storytime. I saw a newborn a few days ago, and she looked nothing like my Emilia. She looked like Emilia used to look -- not all that long ago. Every moment that I have with her is one that I will never get back.

So I may need to put a little extra concealer under my eyes for awhile. Soon enough I will be poking and prodding her to get up out of bed and get ready for school.

And I'm sure I'll long for the days when I tailored Andrew Lloyd Weber's greatest hits to accommodate the name "Emme" and sat up blogging, just waiting to hear her sleepy cries.